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Submitted by: Clem McGrath
How to Deal with Rejection, part 1
Rejection is a painful experience to go through and it can undermine your life in many obvious and subtle ways. Here are a few ideas about dealing with rejection, and coming through it as a stronger healed person.
The problem with rejection is the feeling it feels terrible and that is what people struggle with. That sounds so obvious but we need to be clear about what we actually fear and resist. Most of the time we fear the feeling that goes with the event rather than the event itself. Think of it in the following way
Imagine that rejection is the pinnacle of human experience. We all aspire to be rejected and we know we have made it when we have been rejected. It feels utterly fantastic. Would we be scared of it? Probably not because it would not make sense to be scared of something that feels great and is a huge achievement.
But it does not feel great. It feels horrible and it turns out that what we fear is that horrible feeling, which happens to have been triggered by rejection. If something entirely different caused the same feeling we would fear that as well.
On top of the awful feelings are the many conclusions the mind gets stuck in, such as
Theres something wrong with me
Ive messed up.
Its all my fault.
I cant hold down a relationship.
Im now all alone.
I cant trust men / women.
I may not find anyone else.
These are depressing thoughts that will drop your energy and keep you trapped in the awful feelings, one of the worst of which is fear. However, there is a way out and it revolves around three things:
1. You create a new healthy relationship with your emotions.
2. You challenge and change the conclusions you have been tempted
to believe.
3. You heal any aspects of your self-image (and your past), that
cause you to believe those limiting thoughts.
When you do those things you not only come through the experience but you heal your mind and heart at levels that go beyond this experience. Your feelings become your friends and you are no longer tossed around by the dramas of life, and your energy does not get sucked out by unruly emotions.
How do you do these things? Lets look at the first one: creating a health relationship with your emotions. Emotion is E-Motion. It is energy moving through your nervous system driven by a thought or perception, and the energy creates tangible sensations and feelings in your body. If it is a negative emotion the sensations can be quite unpleasant, while positive emotions tend to create more enjoyable sensations.
The strength of the emotion will also determine the strength of the sensation, so you end up with unpleasant feelings in the body and a lot of energy flowing through you, which can be a challenge in itself. This is what we tend to fear and resist, and most people will do either by trying to discharge the feeling by acting out or by trying to suppress it and stop the feeling.
Neither strategy works beyond the very short term. And if you act out you may then create results that you do not want.
The way to a healthy relationship with the emotions triggered by rejection is to make peace with them, and we do that by allowing them and feeling them. This is very different and is the middle path between acting out and suppression. If you are suffering from rejection there will be strong feelings in your body, and I encourage you to practise the following exercise.
1. Identify where the feeling is in your body and bring you
awareness to that area
2. Allow the feeling to be there without judging it, fearing it
or avoiding it. Simply feel it.
3. Try to discipline the impulse to go into your story about it
all. When your mind goes there gently bring it back to to
eing with the feeling.
4. Open and deepen the breath and imagine, and feel, you are
eathing right into the middle of the sensation.
5. Keep doing this until you feel it stat to relax and feel
lighter.
6. Place your hand on the area and give love to the feeling and
to you who are suffering with the feeling.
7. Do this until you experience a change of state.
This exercise will help to dissolve the intensity of the feeling in the moment and allow you to stay relaxed and centered. Do it as much as you need to. However it is also giving your subconscious the powerful message that you do not need to fear your emotions, because you now know how to release and resolve them in healthy ways.
That puts you in charge and not the emotion. When you have dissolved the fear of your own emotions then you can accept them and find peace with them.
With this you have taken the first important step in getting free of the fear of rejection, and the effects of rejection if it has already happened. However, we also need to deal with the conclusions and self talk that go on in the mind, as shown in the list above. I will address that in part 2 of this article.
Meanwhile, remember that, you deserve all the love in the world. We attract what we believe so the sooner we heal any beliefs that suggest we do not deserve love then the sooner we will start to attract love.
Blessings
About the Author: Clement McGrath brings 32 years of coaching and mentoring experience and a wealth of knowledge to his work. Clement has worked in a variety of roles that have all involved supporting people to reach their full potential and live the life of their dreams. He has conducted his own private practice for 32 years, has facilitated youth work in a non-profit organisation, has been a contracted provider to a major government department, and director of Life Coach Associates since 2001. After facilitating Life Coach Associates coach training program for 10 years, he recently stepped aside from that position to focus on creating a variety of programmes that are more accessible to a wider audience. These include, Relationship Rescue, How to Harness Your Yes Power, How to Increase Your Energy and Achieve More, Find Your voice: How to Communicate Confidently and Effectively, and Awakening to Infinity: A Course in Self Realisation. He is available for private consultations and public speaking, and can create customised programmes to address the specific needs of groups and organisations.Clement is a qualified Breath Therapist, and has studied extensively in the areas of Effective Communication, Human Creativity, Principles of Peak Performance and Success, and Mythology and its Modern Applications.He has co-authored the book, The Way to Freedom, and is currently completing a major book on relationships that he intends to have published in 2015.Clement lives in Christchurch, New Zealand, with his partner Heather Fletcher.Contacts for Clement are:
lifecoachassociates.co.nz
facebook.com/lifecoachassociates
clem@lifecoachassociates.co.nz0064 3 355 22970064 272 033 694
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